Why Does God Care About My Sexuality? | Getting to the Root of the Issue

In this episode, we dive into the profound question: Why does God care about my sexuality? We explore God's design for sexuality and why it matters in our lives today.

Join us as we unpack biblical truths and provide insight into how our sexual choices reflect our relationship with God.

Whether you're seeking clarity, comfort, or deeper understanding, this conversation will challenge and inspire you to see your sexuality through the lens of God's love and purpose.

👉 Subscribe for more content that goes beyond the surface and gets to the heart of the issues.

Bed and Baggage Sermon Series: https://generationchurch.me/media/series/kss5xq3/beds-and-baggage

'Why Doe God Care About My Sexuality' Message: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mva4z9N3Meo

Transcript

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if you never sat down and asked yourself the question, how did I form my view of sexuality? Like whatever view that you hold, how did you get that? it's bigger than just like, stop looking at porn. It's bigger than just stop sleeping around. It's I've got to get to the root of my sexual formation. Yeah, I got to get to the root of my story and I got to do some digging. I'm like, man, why do I respond this way? They. Hey, what's up everybody? Welcome back to the Rooted podcast. man, where we try to get to the root of the problem. Not just the, surface level issue. In fact, we say if you want the fruit, you have to get to the root it. Right. It's the root problem. and today we are actually doing something a little bit different. We're circling back to, the message that we had Sunday and, we actually just finished an entire teaching series called Controversial Christianity. I had a really cool conversation with, a pastor friend of mine, and we were just talking about, people's response to hard topics. You know, I think a lot of times so many preachers or Christians are afraid to have a hard time saying, but what I have found in our own church, I think you can attest to this, Tyler, is people are hungry. Yes. because one, they want to know, like I want to know how to have these conversations. I want to know, like, what does the Bible say? How do I approach this as a Christian? I think we are. So because we have nominal Christianity growing at a large rate, where so many people go to church but don't read the Bible, we're also having more and more ignorance when it comes to like we start just repeating cultural slogans, or we start like almost compromising our faith and beliefs because we are trying to live in a culture of how do we? How do we live at peace with people, but yet also live in the truth? And so, man, I thought it was a very helpful series. It seems like our church has really responded well. Yeah. And even this past week, the one that we want to talk about today is the question of like, why does God care about my sexuality? You know, I was just we talked about this earlier as a staff, but just and there was such a sweet spirit in all three worship experiences this past Sunday as we tried to approach this topic with truth, courage, but also grace and an invitation for people just to come and come have a conversation. And so today, that's what we want to do. We want to circle back to this conversation, because I think it's something that you don't just talk about one time. I think that like, we're going to have to have multiple conversations around this idea and topic of sexuality because it is I think I shared this Sunday that it is the most, prominent. I mean, you're talking about where it is people who are, passing laws, it is a major part of our identity as a nation. people are finding more and more of their identity in their sexual ity. And so I don't think there's ever been a society or a culture that has done that where we are legislating it. Right? Even. And, used to sexuality was a very private thing. And now it's like, it's it's such a, kind of a almost like an empowering deal to talk about your sexuality in a way that makes that the primary identity of your life. And so, we want to circle back to that conversation because I think on this, on this podcast specifically, we talk about getting to root issues. And one of the questions we ask people to wrestle with this past Sunday was, if you don't know, if you never sat down and asked yourself the question, how did I form my view of sexuality? Like whatever view that you hold, how did you get that? because I have conversations with good friends all the time. Well, they're just like, you know, I just believe, you know, God loves everybody, and God just wants everybody to be happy. Yeah, yeah, like that's fine. If you say you believe that. My question is, how did you get that belief? Yeah. Like, what is the foundation that holds that true. And so what we talked about is there are four stories that people live in. I think we we really want to touch on two of them in particular. The first one is the sociology story. Right. And we talked about how like the, the worldview of sex in that story is that sex equals power. That man, the more sex you have or the more you can find an identity and then build, rules and regulations and laws around that, that uphold that and put that on the stage in the forefront. Then you have more power. Right. And we talked about how the only value of that worldview is consent. Like, it doesn't matter how many partners you have, doesn't matter what gender, all those things, as long as you have consent. but the problem is that comes from a very neo-Marxist worldview. and it's just, it's a very unhealthy story that's affected a lot of people. And the second one was secularism. We talked about secularism. All it does is, is, is tend to push God and religion out of everything. Like you may have some verses that mean a lot to you, but it holds no authority in my life because there's no absolute truth. And when there's no absolute truth, then really the main goal or the main, worldview of secularism is pleasure. And so the goal becomes fulfillment. How do I fulfill pleasure? And like, it doesn't matter again, what I do with my sexuality, as long as it's making me happy and I am fulfilled. the problem is, is that when individuals seek their own pleasure and fulfillment, you will always oppress and hurt other people. And by the way, as we're talking about this topic, can we agree there's no other thing that has affected people deeply, whether that's jobs being lost, trauma, relationships, violence over sex. and so I think it's very important that we realize that this conversation can't just be one we skip around. It's gotta be had on a regular basis. Yeah. Because I think it a, I mean, 100% affects people physically, 100% affects people mentally, and it affects their spiritual walk because their view is skewed. I thought you said something so good this past Sunday about, and I think a reason why. A lot of times people don't want to talk about this one, because I don't think they're confident in their own education because you said, far too often just what we just throw out there as well. so what the Bible says, and that's like the extent of the conversation or that the Bible's against it. And like, I love that we can take this time and actually unpack what the scriptures say and not just throw a statement out there to excuse ourselves from having a conversation. I think that, Lisa, the third story that we talked about, which is the same story. Yes. And that story, actually, if you grew up in church, especially in the early 2000s with the whole purity movement, the I kissed dating goodbye, you know, theory, like the, the whole worldview of the same story is purity. The problem is, the only value out of that story is moralism. and I share this on how, like men, there are a lot of Christians who like they've never they actually prioritized purity over salvation. That man. As long as my kids don't get knocked up before they get married, or before they get out of high school and they don't end up gay, then they're really happy, even though they've never taught them how to follow Jesus. There's no other Christian values other than just like, don't have sex. Don't ever talk about it. Stay away from it, you gross. And there's almost what happens is, I mean, and there are a lot of people who enter into marriage out of that type of worldview that they almost can't even, like, connect with their spouse because they are so afraid of sex and their sexuality. Right? When God gave it to us as a gift. Yeah. If all you've heard all your life or a lot of your teenage years into your adulthood is that it's gross, don't don't do it. It's bad. And all of a sudden a switch is supposed to go off on your honeymoon night with your with your spouse and like, what do you what am I supposed to do with years worth of don't gross. You know, it's bad and all of a sudden it's okay. Well, most of it is because, like, parents don't know how to talk about it. You know, they they talk about it from a mechanics standpoint, right? But not from a biblical worldview. And so we talked about how that's the fourth story. The fourth story is this is the secular story. And the secular story is the worldview of sex, is that it is a picture of something beyond ourselves. Yeah. That the union of two souls, a union of two people, is a representation of heaven. And we talked about this making the invisible visible. Yeah. And then that the value is that man, I actually I get to be selfless and give myself for another human being. Yeah. There is a gift that I'm giving them. you know, we talked about how Christ gave himself for us, gave himself up for the church. And it's crazy how the Bible talks about the church as a bride and that he is the groom's men. And so in an incredible how like sex, marriage, all of that is really a picture of something bigger than ourselves. Paul talks about that in Ephesians five. He says, man, this mystery. He's like, it's it's even hard to describe this mystery of how, like the church and Jesus are like a husband and a wife and how, like man, when you are interacting intimately with your spouse, it's actually showing you a beautiful picture of the mystery of how God loves us in the relationship that he has for us. And so some of the stuff we want to talk about today, briefly, is just like getting to the root of how people's sexual formation happened. Because here was the challenge is like, man, if you're going to dive into your own spiritual formation when it comes to discipleship, to Jesus, it's the same way with sexual formation that all of us were formed in a specific worldview, whether we knew it consciously or not. And so I just want you take a minute and kind of share, like maybe how your sexual formation, the story that you grew up in and how it affected you and kind of formed you today. Yeah. So I grew up in some of that purity, like the purity culture. And again, not that it was a bad thing, but it was. But but it put the value right. Correct. Value is moralism not becoming like Jesus. And so like, and in some of the shame I remember when I found out about, sex was at church camp and not, and when, probably the average teenager. Yeah. And not in the way of like, hey, let's talk about this now. It was late at night in the dorm. You know, there was a joke that was made, and I was like, okay, yeah. And I got I was confused, I, I felt dirty immediately. Yeah. I felt nasty, like I'm not supposed to know this. Yeah, and I'm about to have to go home. And my parents, they know when something's up. You know, I can't, They're like, you know what's wrong? And, like, I remember, like, hey, this this was sad. Like, is this true or is this what this looks, you know, all of the, I don't even I think I was in I don't even think I was in middle school yet. so still in elementary school, finding this stuff out and. Yeah, immediate just guilt of like, oh, no. and so I went on to, you know, had conversations with my parents and, you know, had the, the conversations and all of those. And there were some things at that time, again, like, we'll tell you, you know, we're not. Yeah, yeah. Age appropriate conversation. but I grew up in a lot of the, some of the, and I even remember and I was going to be very vulnerable here. I remember when I was in a position, being a teenager in a spot where I should not have been and ended up, losing my virginity. And, there was like this, this moment of, like, I need to call and brag about this, like, I'll remember that. And then also in that shame of, like, some of that power stuff you talk about, you like, man, I like I conquered this type mentality, which was it's it's not a healthy spot to be in. Which led to, we don't have time for, uncomfortable conversations with my wife later on in life. and it just, but then there was the shame that kicked in. but it also it's like once you're once I was introduced to it, it also led to patterns and like, again, it's like, I believe, read that the, the amount of dopamine that hits your body when you're doing those things is like, equivalent to someone who does cocaine. And so it's like no one wants to, like, you think about sex and pleasure and stuff like that. You're not want to compare yourself to that type of addict, but it will 100% lead to a addiction and a road that I mean, I walked down it, I did and, but, I was in that shame power kind of dance and did not look, look at it from a gift. One day it was more of, what can I receive? Yeah. And I think that is a place that if we're honest. Right, we're going. Well, this is what this is about, this whole, this whole conversation about being transparent, and being honest about these things, it just was not it was not healthy. Well, the thing about the shame story, right? It leads to hypocrisy. Because if you're in shame, that means you don't have, you don't have the safe place to talk about, like, confess sin or confess struggles or confess thoughts or inner workings, because there's a there's like this unspoken expectation like that man you're just supposed to, like, make sure that you don't look at porn, you don't lust after women, you don't do these things. And when you create that, when that is the goal, like anytime you try to make any kind of morality the goal. at least the hypocrisy. Yeah. Because you're trying to live by the law. But when the goal is Jesus to be like Jesus, be with Jesus, do what Jesus did. Now these things are a means to an end. It's understanding that that my goal in life is not to remain pure before I get married or to be straight my entire life or whatever. The goal is to know Jesus. Yeah. And as Jesus begins to change my heart and life, he starts to shape my sexual formation just like he does my spiritual formation. He helps shape how I view the opposite sex, how I view relationships, how I view marriage, how I view family. Even that there are people who get married are straight, all those things, but they still have a twisted view of what those things are for. You said it perfectly. I think sometimes the shame story bleeds into the sake of a story because at the end of the day, if sex to you or if your sexual formation has everything to do with gratitude, I've heard people even say like, well, men have needs, that is not a biblical statement. I think it's dangerous when you say things like that. because of sexual narcissism, like it's. Yes. And so I heard some like this. This is so good man conversation. We're just having recently ministering to somebody. And they were basically talking about like their porn struggle or porn addiction, how the intimacy between them and their spouse wasn't good. This is a powerful statement. This he said a wife doesn't enjoy sex and it's painful. It's whatever. It's not fine. And and the question then was reversed to him saying, like, maybe it's not that she doesn't enjoy sex, she doesn't enjoy you. because the way that you have approached sex has been like, when are you going to give me what I want? When do I get what I need? Instead of like, how am I stirring up intimacy and creating instant with my spouse where I know them to where sex is a byproduct of the intimacy? It is the intimacy itself. And so I think that's where we're off. And what what you don't realize is that in that moment when you make that statement, both of them have a sexual formation that is from the wrong story. And when people have walked through, when women have walked through rape or sexual abuse or molestation, that will bleed over into your view of even how sex happens in the marriage, because I think all of us want the fulfillment and the fullness of what God has to offer when it comes to sexual intimacy. Yeah, that God created that in us. And we talked about that on Sunday of how like, man, this idea of I mean, when you think about how God created us, it is incredibly crazy on how, like every part of our body, like when it even when it comes to sex, like the feelings you get, the emotions that it comes with, the the how, your chemicals in your brain work, the heart. God's like. I created this for you, for the pleasure, for the fulfillment, for. But it's a covenant. It is to be done in a covenant relationship. So when you try to connect that to multiple partners in a way that is not flourishing to the heart, mind, soul and body, then we have to ask ourselves, am I living in the correct story? and I think that's the stuff that we were trying to get to when we talked about this stuff. We said this earlier that people who struggle with pornography, you don't have a porn problem, you have a sexual formation problem. You know, going back to my story, my story is all the stories into one. you know, it was like I came from a family that didn't even go to church on or God, but yet there were still like, you still had the same conversation as a teenager. I found that so fast. I don't know if you're listening and you experienced that where you have a family dynamic like this, not even really trying to live according to the Bible, except for when it comes to sex. And it's like all of a sudden it's like wired in us to have the same conversation, where it's like, hey, whatever you do, it's it's a lot better if you don't do it till you married. If you don't do it, be safe. That was kind of like my talk. My I remember my dad, my biological father, who, God rest his soul, like we didn't have a relationship to her. 15 in 1 of the first conversations we have after me, just getting to know my biological father was him driving me to school as a sophomore, having a conversation about sex. But it wasn't stay pure. It was don't get him pregnant. Yeah. You know, and I think, like, that's that's how I was it my formation became like, this is you want to to do this, but if you get them pregnant, that's the ultimate sin. Well, man, that's how children end up becoming demon demons. Yes. That's where, you know, abortions become like, man, it's it's just it doesn't really matter. Or, you know, that's where you see all these broken homes where single moms or single parents and the children don't know their parents, and the children don't know the father, and what we don't realize is like, man, the kids are the ones that suffer. Yes. Now they're viewed as the mistake. they're viewed as the thing. That's why I like. It's so important, man, if you're listening and you have a teenage daughter or son or you are a teenager, listen. And you, man, you have a child or you have a child on the way. I want you to hear me say this. The child is not the curse. The child is not the sin. The child is not punishment. the child is just a biological consequence of what God intended for. When man and a woman come together, you produce life. but man, the shame and the guilt that comes with teen pregnancy. My mother was a teen mom. You know, like her doctor asked her, do you want to abort this baby? and my mother had to wrestle with, like, man, do do I do that? And then she she told her doctor like, no, I believe my son is is going to do great things. You know, I want to have med school. And she man, she lived a very rough life just trying to do her best to be the best mom she could. But she never saw me as the problem. and I think that's important for people to hear because I think, again, that should tell you a lot about the root of your sexual story. If you view family, children or any kind of covenant or commitment as the thing that's that's weighing you down or the burden, if that is the burden, then you are living in a selfish story. You are living in a story where people exist for me to extract pleasure from, and life exists for me to extract pleasure from. And when you live that way, that is called secularism. It's called hedonism. It's where I'm trying to maximize pleasure, minimize pain, and it's just a selfish way to look at things. And so for me, like being exposed to pornography at the age of eight and being in a oversexualized stimuli culture in my home, and what I saw growing up, being sexually abused three different by three different people over a period of two years. It formed in me a different view of sex. You know that, man, if I'm going to be a man like you said, like man with a first time dude. Same way. Yeah, man. 13 years old. That's how old I was. And the feeling of like, I'm a man. Yeah, I got so now I do that. So twist. It is so twisted. But it's because of the story that I grew up in. And so what you got to know is like, if you're listening and you came out of some of these things and you're trying to follow Jesus, you got to know that just as a part of you're trying to, like, form. I think so many people like when it comes to following Jesus, they, you know, it's it's like the big sins, right? But really, it's bigger than just like, stop looking at porn. It's bigger than just stop sleeping around. It's I've got to get to the root of my sexual formation. Yeah, I got to get to the root of my story and I got to do some digging. I'm like, man, why do I respond this way? Why, when I'm alone, I'm tired and I'm stressed? Why's my automatic response to go to my phone and scroll? Because here's what I know about people listening right now that most people don't sit and go, like, I want to look at porn right now. It usually starts with, I'm gonna get on Snapchat. Amen. That's interesting. I'm gonna go on Instagram scroll. Oh man I ad you know on YouTube. And it starts with the small things or starts with like man I love this TV show, I love this show. And here's what's crazy is that we've created the Netflix culture. it's basically made soft porn the norm for television. I don't even think people realize this happened yet, but like when I go to watch a movie or watch a show, I always look at the ratings. And if there's a mirror, which means mature and you have to look like, what does that mean? It's it's crazy to me. I can't stand it when people say, like, I didn't even know that stuff was in there. I sort watch, like, you can literally read descriptions before you watch up. Yeah, sexual content and you can ask my why. You can ask my wife if we start to watch a movie and it says it in there, we can't watch it. and that's a decision I had to make because it's a way for me to deform. Yeah. Yeah. The formation that's happened to me because man wasn't like you run straight to the hardcore hardcore porn. You start with the soft stuff, you start with the images, you start with the scrolling, you start with the mindless. When you when your mind becomes an idol place of just randomness, you cannot be. You cannot be surprised when you have no control, self-control to your thoughts or to your actions. The mind is a powerful thing that God gave us that has to be shaped and formed. That's why Romans 12 says, be renewed by the transforming of your mind. I talked to a dude. This was so powerful. He was he was coming to share his testimony at the at the juvenile detention stuff. Okay? And he said, man, I was a drug addict, a womanizer. He said when I got saved, I would spend at least 12 hours. He said, man, I would spend all day in the word for two years. And he said, why? Because I had to rewire my mind. That's focus when your mind is. But but when you talk to him and he could bring a Bible verse like that. Do you ever met people? It's like, man, they're just really good. No. In the Bible. No. They're really good at practicing formation. Yeah. That's good. And that's what people don't understand is like, there's not like a smarter Bible person out there. There's people who are more committed, to their formation than other people. Yeah. And so the, the one thing when you get to the root of this stuff that you have to ask yourself, do you want to be free? Yeah. The second question, how bad? That's good. I think too, I want to just because I think parents, if you're if you have kids and you're a parent, I want you to ask yourself that question. How bad? Because I think far too often we, we don't want to be our us as parents. We don't want to be shamed or whatever because of a decision that our, our kid might have made. So we unconsciously, condone it. You might not be by. Oh, hey. Well, I found out that my my kid's having sex. Well, let me get on. Let me get him on birth control, because I don't want to be shamed for my kid. Don't get me started. I witnessed this, and I remember I was like, my eighth grade freshman year, I, I mean, because I found out, obviously the parents are going around why I got them on birth control. They're out here now. They know I found out because, hey, my mom put me on birth control because me and my boyfriend were having sex, bro. So this is this is the stuff that drives me nuts. And again, I got to watch myself because I know I've come across as very judgmental sometimes. That's just my personality. but, like, obviously everybody has different values of a parent. I think the thing that really, though that disappoints me or discourages me, are people who say they value something, but they live a different way. Yeah, than what they say they value. And what I mean by that is, like, you can't say you value your kid's mental state, emotional state, and relational state when you allow them. Like it blows my mind like fourth, fifth, sixth grade. Yeah, I parents taking their kids, boyfriends and girlfriends on vacations with them. allowing them to spend a lot of time together. Like if you allow your 12, 13, 14 year old to spend as much or more time with their boyfriend or girl for whatever you want to call them than you do with your own family or information or and community, that's then to me, that's a you are actually setting them up for failure. You're setting them up for these things to happen, and then you're surprised when it happens. and I think, man, there's such a, a level of responsibility that parents almost aren't willing to take. Yeah, because they're afraid that their kids are going to be I. It amazes me in this culture how we're parents are terrified that all of a sudden they're not going to be cool to their kids. Right. and I think, man, at some point you got to realize, man, I want my kids. I don't I don't care whether or not they think I'm cool. I care that when they're adults, that one, we're still friends, that we still, they come to me for advice. They want to come home because we've created a safe environment for us to have real hard conversations and tell them the lies behind while we make certain decisions like my girls knew, like, hey, not until you're 16. Can you even entertain the fact of like, possibly going on a date? And so it's like, you know, we would always get that so-and-so's got a crush on me. What's wrong? I was like, okay, cool. But, keep crushing, keep crushing. You'll have a crush on somebody else. Yeah, because that's what happens as teenagers, especially with boys. I try to tell my girls all the time, boys are going to mature later than you. Yup. And so just know I know they're saying and doing a lot of things. It makes you feel like you're really valuable to them. They will turn around in six months and have the same kind of feelings towards somebody else. It's called hormones. And so like, parents need to be a little bit like more forthcoming and truthful in that instead of like, well, I don't want to discourage, you know, I don't want to, they don't know what love is. It's like, no, they might know what love is. I don't they're not mature enough to harness it. Yeah. And I think it points back to because parents haven't dealt with some stuff at the moment that conversation gets opened up. One, they're not educated enough and they're probably shame for what all of these things. And so they just let's just we'll just, we'll just get you on birth control so you don't I mean, I tell my daughters like this, and when you get to know somebody and they're wanting to get married or they want to date, like you need to ask them really hard questions and make them squirm. Hey, hey, are you in or are you watching pornography? Yeah. Do you have a pornography problem? What is your history like? Because those are questions not to shame, guilt, or condemn them, but it's getting to know the person real, getting the real deal. I remember Lindsay asked me after we started dating for several months. She goes, what is one thing that I don't know about you? And which opened up? I was like, I mean, there's probably some stuff you don't want to know about, you know, which, but I'm grateful that she asked that question because I don't know if I'm just going to go volunteering, you know? Well, we did a series that's a little plug. you can go back on our, Where can we go to watch old sermons? One can we can we send people, like, to old sermons? Where at? Yeah. Put the link. Put the link to the bedding baggage series. Oh, yeah. That's good, that's good. Well, we have we have really close friends that they were dating at the time right before they got engaged. And they literally took every application from that sermon. And one of the applications was, hey, if you're dating somebody now and I get married, you need to go have a conversation and begin unpacking baggage. Yes. That was so good for you. Get married because you need to know what you're dealing with because you don't want to get married and go like, man, I had no intention of washing these dirty socks or getting into this mess. and they did that. I mean, it's made their marriage so much more healthier making a test. I think they just celebrated three years. Sounds right. Yeah, yeah. but, man, watching their marriage flourish has been such a cool gift, and it's because they took that stuff seriously. And to me, that's like, if you're going to get married, you know, you haven't married. Marriage counseling, like, those are the conversations, not who do you think should do the dishes? Yeah, yeah. Or who should be mowing the yard. those are the conversations that I believe we'll actually like. That's counseling, that's helping you prepare and not just coming in and throwing your. I love what you said as of the episode about throwing our our dirty laundry on, there's a sermon you preached at youth about that. and that's what we do sometimes, which is, you wash. You wash these clothes so I won't encourage you. I was going to put the link to the bedroom marriage series, but also there's a link to this past Sunday service. talking about why do I care about my sexuality? this will be conversations we'll have throughout, you know, the Rudy podcast. But today, it was just kind of circling back to a few of those points, from Sunday's message. So if you want context, go back and watch the message. And, I just want to encourage you, like, do the hard work, you know, get to the root, like, really get to the root of, like, how did I get to where I'm at with Mark? Do I have a theologically driven, biblical worldview of how God created sex, why God created my sexuality, and why it's important to him, and why we should value it a lot more, than just, superficial cultural idea. So it's good. man, thank you guys for tuning in today. And excited about our next episode. But just remember, on this episode, we want to confront, we want to confess, we want to construct. So hopefully we're talking about those deep things. We're confessing them and then we're building habits, practices in our life to get to the root of the issue and find wholeness and healing. So remember to get the fruit. You have to get to the root piece, say yes. They.